Jodean Sumner, 22
Where Have I Been? Where Are We Going?
This is not retaliation. Actually it is. Although nobody has actually called me a skanky fat ho. At least not to my knowledge. Which is kind of the point. There are several things that have influenced my writing this. It is no person. I feel not personally victimised by any particular person. This is not a defensive declaration. Bear with me. Please. I beg you!
I recently wrote something about cosmetic surgery. About ridiculous aspiration and the pressure on women to be a particular way. Everyday I see the way women are influenced and educated on how to look and behave. This is absolutely shameful. Why should anybody behave in any way or look any way that is other than themselves. What they were born with and as.
There is a shop opening up near me. Its a beauty parlour called Fake It!. Just another example of the beauty myth working at its best. If we werent born with the natural beauty we are all supposed to have as women at least there are establishments like this one that can help us look the way we are supposed to. So I guess if its so natural to look that way they must be missing out on a large proportion of us who are natural women, born beautiful, fully fake tanned, long nailed, perfectly skinned, thin celestial goddesses that everyone else can aspire to be like. Because of course if that is the way women are supposed to look then to look any different must make you an abnormal female. Otherwise why would it be that we should look such a way? It couldnt possibly be that Faking It is actually a fake ideal and normalisation of a female image that is not real, all to make money out of the insecurities generated in this huge beauty myth. Could it?
You see it is very clever really. If it makes you ugly to be anything other than what certain such services provide of course you will run to nearest shop to be made over beautiful (spending a lot of your hard earned, through the glass ceiling, proved yourself and made the most of opportunities and got the, cash to prove it, CASH). Youre really ugly but isnt it EMPOWERING women, to know that we can pretend to be beautiful. Never mind the witty pun on faking It as we all know women are required to do to boost the male ego. Apparently. To affirm their prowess as sexual creatures. Not only is faking it in bed not acceptable (theres two of you that need some pleasin please!) but I feel neither is the pressure to fake it in any way at all! This is a manipulative culture based on lies and another clever technique that I like to call COMPETITION.
There is something a lot more sinister lurking underneath the advertising of unattainable bodies that really arent feminine in the extreme by any means. It is far easier to join the crowd of wannabes than be mocked (probably behind your back) for being ugly. Because you are different to how you are apparently supposed to look. There used to be a time when the blame would necessarily fall solely to patriarchy, but times are a-changing . . .
It is far easier to be one of the lads. To join in the objectification of women than be subject to it. You can look a woman up and down, you can judge her, stare at the parts you might describe as distasteful (to use a nicer word than might be used) and chastise her in your mind or with your friends for the way she looks, or behaves. Im no innocent party; I can find myself doing it too. Just as it is done to me. But I have to remind myself of why I am viewing people in this way. On such a shallow basis. It is not fair. And in doing this we only serve to enforce the factors that hinder us being viewed on our unique attributes than empowering ourselves. By being derogatory against other women we degrade ourselves.
This is competition. And the competition is fierce and vicious. So where is the unity? It certainly cannot be found through (the word) feminism. I was recently shocked to find out someone I knew would totally refuse to be a feminist. Because it was man hating and they thought that men and women should be equal . . .
This is not an attack on this person (I heart you dearly) but rather a demonstration not by any means of them but the clever manipulation of young womens minds to directly disempower them. Of course solidarity between women, could be fatal to the beauty, fashion and health industry. If women had open minds to analyse their treatment within society and culture at large the potential for revolt is huge. Excitingly huge! Ecstatically, all encompassing, women-men-children benefittingly wonderful! But by demonising the group and the term feminism and creating a false stereotype prevents exactly that happening.
Women do not want to be victims. The general consensus is that feminism says, all women are victims to men, we hate men, we probably hate men because we are unattractive and cant get boyfriends, thats probably why some of us are gay too.
ALL RIDICULOUS, ALL LIES, ALL CLEVERLY MANIPULATING WOMEN TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM FEMINISM AS POSSIBLE.
Because they dont really know what it is. The mere word sends some of the most independent, free, confident women I know into the hills.
Feminism is many things, and I dont pretend to be an academic on the subject but this is what it means to me: Analysing the way I and all the women in my life are treated and viewed because we are women, by everything. Not men. Everything. And in turn wishing to create a genuine view of equality (NOT SUPERIORITY) between all genders (and equally races, cultures, abilities, everything that defines YOU as YOU). And the only person who should be able to define who you are is YOU.
I am not blinkered to the other issues. But I can act on what I feel I am affected immediately by, but I am as we all should be supportive of any and all, groups, initiatives that promote equality between people.
If anything feminism to me is genuine care about people. Not just women. Although of course that is a point on which I am very passionate about. But I do genuinely believe that what I strive for in feminism is to the benefit of everyone.
Anyway I digress. I love women. I love men. I love in the in-betweeners! (Not the TV show but that I also love). But it upsets me that women are not allowed to show their unique and beautiful diversity, and that when they do they can be under ruthless attack from their own! I cant stress just how important it is for women to have each others backs. If you want to learn anything from lad culture, if youre envious of it, dont try to be part of it. Create your own female centred, woman loving group. It is hard I know. Particularly with the exact point Im making, this apparent woman hating, which in turn generates a lack of trust.
But just imagine right . . . if you had the utter, doubt-less support of all women around you. Promoting and encouraging you. You can make them exist by being one of them! Feelings of what we might not like to call but I will anyway sisterhood, are seriously one of the most rewarding, heart-meltingly beautiful things I have ever experienced. It is empowering, and it is world changing. And if every litt-BIG woman out there, had the next BIG womans back we would be looking at the world anew.
It sounds far fetched. You might not care. But think about the times-weve all had them- when you have felt mistreated, humiliated, degraded, by the way another woman has treated you. Its all the more hurtful because its like a betrayal. You are affected by feminism whether you choose to ignore it or not. And honestly when your aware of it sometimes things get tense, you get frustrated, you get angry, you want to scream and shout, but those moments of unity when you know theres a genuine acceptance of who you are, as you are, genuine care for you, no condescension, and feelings of general you know as the hippies would say- lov- care, its all worth it. And I guarantee your contribution as an individual, will change things. In your life and in the bigger spectrum of things.
So. Can I say ladies. Lets stop fucking (me included) doing what were doing to other women. Lets turn it around!
Woo yeah! Lets be empowered.
