M, 26, London
Where Have I Been?
I have been waiting a long time to feel ok about myself. And now I do, I think I do any way
I know Im not unique in this - sadly I think most of the women I know feel like or have felt like this and its all to do with this feeling of inadequacy.
The main woman is my mum - to me she is an inspiration you will never meet anyone as kind, warm and non-judgemental. She is strong, she asserted that my siblings and I were given both hers and my dads surname, she raised four children alone. She is bright, well read, creative, she has trekked for hundreds of miles alone.
She cannot stand herself. At the age of 55 she still suffers from an eating disorder, She thinks she has no talent, that she is a bore, that she is a failure.
It strikes me that such an overall independent and strong woman can have such a low opinion of herself and I wonder how it has happened. How she has come to form such opinions.
For the main part it makes me incredibly sad because I know that she will never realise how wonderful she is.
For me its always been about the way boys and men have spoken about girls, women my friends, me.
I remember at school that I felt I had no worth because boys didnt find me attractive - that I had no right to speak up because they were right.
I remember the comments they made about womens bodies that they would jeer and talk about them with disgust, and girls would agree. The girls would Confirm their thoughts in order to stay in favour with them, maybe they believed them, maybe they still do.
I suppose when everyone at school was confirming that women should feel ashamed of their bodies, that they cant even have hair on their forearms, that the boys had a right to comment on our looks, our development, to try and humiliate us if they found sanitary towels in our bags, that the girls at my school would do anything to keep in favour with the boys because they were all that mattered. Then as a young person, what do you believe?
It has stayed with me a long time. I suppose its probably still happening in schools.
Where are We Going?
I see the past and I see the future.
Im letting go of the school days, forming my own opinions, making friends with strong women. Asserting myself as a strong woman, knowing that those opinions those stupid, idiotic and misogynistic opinions mean nothing and that they can stay in the minds those stupid, idiotic misogynistic boys.
I want for other young women not to feel like this because I can see what it can do - I see the future - my mum 55 never able to shake these feelings off, other women feeling like this their entire lives. and whats sad is that its so pointless to feel this way, when you stop believing the crap you hear in your formative years, the world becomes a lot broader. Because all this stuff, all these stupid hang ups, they dont mean anything, they really dont - they only hold us back. We need to move forward. All of us.
